Some lessons I learnt this year.
What happened to my blogger? I need to revive it.
Sometimes I laugh until my stomach hurts and my cheeks feel like i've been blowing up balloons all day. Laughing is such an immense happiness, sometimes after I've had those cheek straining, stomach paining laughs, I feel sad that I might never laugh like that again. I soon forget that though, because this year has made me realise that the most important thing to do is to: remember the past but not regret it, think about the future but not wish your life away and live your life in the only way you can. FULL OF AWESOMENESS. If you follow those rules, you'll be doing what you want to be doing, making it more of a fun life right?
This year has also taught me (metaphorically), carrying a ring around, waiting for your future spouse, even if they don't show up, does pay off. You never know what's going to come out of the blue and hit you on the head.
We're contingent on others, especially our families, but even if we don't know it, we're contingent mainly on ourselves.
Your perspective on how someone views you, is wrong.
The people that have cute faces, are the dirtiest.
There's nothing worse than missed opportunities, don't strive to get them back.
Horny dogs in the bedroom are a no no.
Everyone treats the same situation differently. Some laugh, some cry and some just get on.
After you've declared that you think you love someone, there's always a bit of them with you, but I can guarantee you it's not love.
Change is good, but not everyone likes change.
There are still people that are extremely ignorant to today's society and it's awful.
Sometimes I laugh until my stomach hurts and my cheeks feel like i've been blowing up balloons all day. Laughing is such an immense happiness, sometimes after I've had those cheek straining, stomach paining laughs, I feel sad that I might never laugh like that again. I soon forget that though, because this year has made me realise that the most important thing to do is to: remember the past but not regret it, think about the future but not wish your life away and live your life in the only way you can. FULL OF AWESOMENESS. If you follow those rules, you'll be doing what you want to be doing, making it more of a fun life right?
This year has also taught me (metaphorically), carrying a ring around, waiting for your future spouse, even if they don't show up, does pay off. You never know what's going to come out of the blue and hit you on the head.
We're contingent on others, especially our families, but even if we don't know it, we're contingent mainly on ourselves.
Your perspective on how someone views you, is wrong.
The people that have cute faces, are the dirtiest.
There's nothing worse than missed opportunities, don't strive to get them back.
Horny dogs in the bedroom are a no no.
Everyone treats the same situation differently. Some laugh, some cry and some just get on.
After you've declared that you think you love someone, there's always a bit of them with you, but I can guarantee you it's not love.
Change is good, but not everyone likes change.
There are still people that are extremely ignorant to today's society and it's awful.
Meep.
Today, I told my mum I smoked. Scary shizzle.
So I was walking up to school having a fag, I look up and my stepdad is in the car next to me wagging his finger... it's kinda busy so he can't stop.
I do my music revision and I go home, expecting to see him. However my mum was in, so I told her before he did.
I asked her if she was dissapointed, she said she wasn't... she just thought I was wise enough to know not to smoke. It was quite a big thing for me :/ it's quite scary.
So I was walking up to school having a fag, I look up and my stepdad is in the car next to me wagging his finger... it's kinda busy so he can't stop.
I do my music revision and I go home, expecting to see him. However my mum was in, so I told her before he did.
I asked her if she was dissapointed, she said she wasn't... she just thought I was wise enough to know not to smoke. It was quite a big thing for me :/ it's quite scary.
Don't let me fall.
I still feel like I should own you. I don't want anyone else to have you.
Anyway, so yeah... I waited hmm... lets see? at least 4 years for some sort of experience.
It finally came.
After waiting for all these years, it finally came and it was the biggest mistake I've made in a long time. I hope I can still love in the future, it's so unfair. Anyway, there's no good feeling sorry for myself, is there?. I've written a new song which is really fun to play... it's about a person(A) that's fucking with someone elses(B) heart... kinda deep. Half inspired by Lauryn Hill and Nneka. My songs are usually about the music, but this is about the words. I'm kind of embarased to show you all the lyrics, so I'll show you some of them... but that's all.
Your judgemental voice to my repression
Your words of fire, burn my expression
My expression to your possessions, you don’t own anything
Abrasion, heart deterioration, my loyal heart, against your evasion.
My deterioration helping my persuasion, for you to help me save you.
Sorry if this is kinda boring, I'm just rambling...
'Your judgemental voice to my repression
Your words of fire, burn my expression'
By this I mean, how despite the fact that A is judging B, or hurting them... B will try and exclude his desires for A.
'My expression to your possessions, you don’t own anything'
Okay, this next line is pretty straightforward, I'm just saying that A doesn't own anything, especially person B, person B looks at A's possessions and sees nothing, this is reflected in his 'nothing' expression.
(mental)Abrasion, heart deterioration, my loyal heart, against your evasion.
Abrasion = cuts/scrapes = deterioration of the heart ;) loyal heart as in, I won't give up on you, no matter what you choose to say to B, or how horrible A is. Your evasion = A trying to avoid B.
The last bit is easy, hope you enjoyed my REALLY boring song analysis, I have nothing better to do at 1 in the morning.
Anyway, so yeah... I waited hmm... lets see? at least 4 years for some sort of experience.
It finally came.
After waiting for all these years, it finally came and it was the biggest mistake I've made in a long time. I hope I can still love in the future, it's so unfair. Anyway, there's no good feeling sorry for myself, is there?. I've written a new song which is really fun to play... it's about a person(A) that's fucking with someone elses(B) heart... kinda deep. Half inspired by Lauryn Hill and Nneka. My songs are usually about the music, but this is about the words. I'm kind of embarased to show you all the lyrics, so I'll show you some of them... but that's all.
Your judgemental voice to my repression
Your words of fire, burn my expression
My expression to your possessions, you don’t own anything
Abrasion, heart deterioration, my loyal heart, against your evasion.
My deterioration helping my persuasion, for you to help me save you.
Sorry if this is kinda boring, I'm just rambling...
'Your judgemental voice to my repression
Your words of fire, burn my expression'
By this I mean, how despite the fact that A is judging B, or hurting them... B will try and exclude his desires for A.
'My expression to your possessions, you don’t own anything'
Okay, this next line is pretty straightforward, I'm just saying that A doesn't own anything, especially person B, person B looks at A's possessions and sees nothing, this is reflected in his 'nothing' expression.
(mental)Abrasion, heart deterioration, my loyal heart, against your evasion.
Abrasion = cuts/scrapes = deterioration of the heart ;) loyal heart as in, I won't give up on you, no matter what you choose to say to B, or how horrible A is. Your evasion = A trying to avoid B.
The last bit is easy, hope you enjoyed my REALLY boring song analysis, I have nothing better to do at 1 in the morning.
Straight in to my arms.
I can't help but feel it only happened because it wasn't meant to.
'you gave ___ _____ you fucking faggot, its people like you that ruin this world and make the straight kids feel sick....'
I blanked out some stuff, even though everyone knows... I don't really want to shout it out. Somebody told me this anonymously through formspring... It really hurt actually :/
First of all I got the 'fucking faggot' bit, that would have been hurtful enough. But no, it's people like me that ruin this world... Oh well.
People make mistakes right? I didn't make a mistake, I made the right choice. I took what I'd been waiting for and it made me happy. I don't know why I got formspring I mean... I get loads of loving comments, but when I get a nasty one it just makes me think. But it seems I've started a mini revolution for gay teen boys, maybe they're doing it to be cool like me and Helen ;) whatever it is, it makes me happy. Please don't hate me for me doing something natural though, okay?
You know when people say to bisexual people or gay people that are inexperienced, they say "You don't know what you are yet, you haven't tried the same sex" let me tell you now, if a boy falls in love with a boy, a girl falls in love with a girl... it's natural... you don't have to lick vagina or suck dick all the time, when it comes down to it... it really is what's inside that counts. Do what I do.
'you gave ___ _____ you fucking faggot, its people like you that ruin this world and make the straight kids feel sick....'
I blanked out some stuff, even though everyone knows... I don't really want to shout it out. Somebody told me this anonymously through formspring... It really hurt actually :/
First of all I got the 'fucking faggot' bit, that would have been hurtful enough. But no, it's people like me that ruin this world... Oh well.
People make mistakes right? I didn't make a mistake, I made the right choice. I took what I'd been waiting for and it made me happy. I don't know why I got formspring I mean... I get loads of loving comments, but when I get a nasty one it just makes me think. But it seems I've started a mini revolution for gay teen boys, maybe they're doing it to be cool like me and Helen ;) whatever it is, it makes me happy. Please don't hate me for me doing something natural though, okay?
You know when people say to bisexual people or gay people that are inexperienced, they say "You don't know what you are yet, you haven't tried the same sex" let me tell you now, if a boy falls in love with a boy, a girl falls in love with a girl... it's natural... you don't have to lick vagina or suck dick all the time, when it comes down to it... it really is what's inside that counts. Do what I do.
What am I, if I have no shadow.
What is the mind without the heart?
I think my head's gonna explode. Don't know whether I just drank too much last night, whether... something didn't agree with me... or whether I just feel so fucking helpless. Last night I got hopes built up and thought, at least someone finds me attractive, but I feel so humiliated that everyone I kiss or do stuff with gets really embarrased about it, like it's a shameful thing. It's fucking humiliating you know?
Do we really live in a world where your reputation means more to you than your heart?
Being a slut has it's downsides.
I actually nearly died a bit inside, you know when your heart sinks. Humiliation.
But there's no point feeling sorry for myself,I don't even know why I'm pissed off.
I smell like arse, fags and cointreau, I'm so attractive, it's disgusting.
Yeah anyway, back to my main point.
Do we really live in a world where you do stuff, because you don't want people's opinions to change of you?
If you do stuff, the people who judge you are the ones who aren't healthy for you. I just wish some people would grow up. You don't have to be loved by everyone, just be yourself... people will respect you so much more.
Infinity.
Love is beyond every single human being, love is something that we can never reach. It is beyond comprehension... like infinity, it is everything and nothing, and it’s what we believe in and what we live for. No matter how hard you try and avoid love, this mysterious force, it will find you. Love finds you. I’m so desperate for you, whatever form you’re in, whoever’s body you’re hiding in, you always say we’re done when we’re not started.
